To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to
make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times, which is an average
of only once every 10 days. The following
is a list of why I didn't succeed more
often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the
result was not always satisfying because
6 times you just laid there, 8 times you
reminded me that there was a crack in
the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry
up and get it over with, 7 times I had to
wake you up to tell you I was finished,
and once I was afraid that I had hurt you
because you started thrashing around
and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve
this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
----------------------------------------------
To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here
are the REAL reasons you didn't get more
than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the
cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet
seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept
running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot
coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11
times
You lost the notion after thinking about it
- 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a
dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you
had missed me and were screwing the
sheet. You seemed to be having a good
time and I didn't want to move and spoil it
for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in
the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you
like me on my back or kneeling?" The
time I was thrashing around and gasping
was when you farted and I was fighting
for air. Maybe you can work on your
"shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
Dear Wife
-
- Regular
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:39 pm
- Location: Bendigo
Re: Dear Wife
^^^^^^^^^HAHHAHAHHAHAHA^^^^^^^^^