Dear Wife

Locked
beerhound
New Member
Posts: 40
Joined: Wed Feb 07, 2007 7:26 pm
Location: Dipswich

Dear Wife

Post by beerhound »

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to
make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times, which is an average
of only once every 10 days. The following
is a list of why I didn't succeed more
often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the
result was not always satisfying because
6 times you just laid there, 8 times you
reminded me that there was a crack in
the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry
up and get it over with, 7 times I had to
wake you up to tell you I was finished,
and once I was afraid that I had hurt you
because you started thrashing around
and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve
this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

----------------------------------------------

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here
are the REAL reasons you didn't get more
than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the
cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet
seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept
running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot
coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11
times
You lost the notion after thinking about it
- 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a
dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you
had missed me and were screwing the
sheet. You seemed to be having a good
time and I didn't want to move and spoil it
for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in
the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you
like me on my back or kneeling?" The
time I was thrashing around and gasping
was when you farted and I was fighting
for air. Maybe you can work on your
"shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife
Came into this world with nothing and pretty much still own all of that to this day.
kizza mcgrath
Regular
Posts: 145
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:39 pm
Location: Bendigo

Re: Dear Wife

Post by kizza mcgrath »

^^^^^^^^^HAHHAHAHHAHAHA^^^^^^^^^
Locked